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Sunday, July 01, 2007


I've just seen the new PIRATES movie. What a mess! How can you waste so much money on such convaluted, unengaging, over-produced rubbish. It's strange: if you wait until the end of the credits, there is a final short scene in which you can see the kernal of an engaging story. So why didn't they concentrate on telling one good story that could actually involve you emotionally, instead of relying on mutiple plots, special effects, weak jokes and dodgy accents? Why did they think it necessary to kill-off the simple art of storytelling?

But what do I know? The film took $400 million in the first two days. Which is more than I earn in a year!

We have 0.005% of the their budget to create our production of TREASURE ISLAND. I actually think we have a chance of doing a better job. We shall sea!


At 11:30 PM, Blogger Christopher Barlow said...

If $400 millin is more than you earn in a year. you doing pretty well. i think thats more than i'll earn in a lifetime... or indeed, in several lifetimes.

anyway, I'm afraid to admit that i'm going play devils advocate and say i didn't think the film was that bad. in fact i found it really quite enjoyable!

As far as popcorn chewing, soda slugging, mindless film fun i thought it delivered. action, romance, comedy, big sequences, special effects.

Now, i am not completely defending it. There were dodgy moments, the multiple Jacks were, i think, a bad idea, especialy once out of davy jones's locker. And although Tia Dalma (one of favourite characters) was terrific, the attack of the fifty foot woman moment was... would pants describe it!

I also think there were missed opportunities. Not enough chow yun fat. and there could of been some great fighting from the singapor pirates.

But i really enjoyed Geoffrey Rush as Barbosa. and (Alisons future husband) johnny was great as Jack as ever (minus multiple jacks). and i just love bill nighy in anything. I also had no trouble following the twisting plot and enjoyed the backstabbing, crossing and cheating. I even enjoyed the story about the nine pieces of eight.

I agree about the dodgey accents, but, even in the first film, i thought there were bad accents and some bad choices of actors, even bad acting. but i guess they had to keep them all for the sequals. although they greatly underused jonathan price and the guy playing the villain, the head of the indian trade company. he was pretty good! but underused.

I would have liked to have seen more of the tia dalma and davy jones tale. as really that seems to be the story underlying the second and third films. that to me was the most intersting tale. I couldn't care less about Orlando or Kiera's characters. but then i haven't liked them from the first film.

i thought the special effect were pretty amazing. and i suppose many of these big summer blockbusters are mostly about the thrills. I also thought that there were some frankly ingenious moments, like the ship turning upside down and the world flipping over. That was almost the best moment for me.

Overall i am saying it had some cracking bits, some great design and effects, Some ingenious moments and some genuinly good humour. I think it fails to deliver on some of the more interesting storylines. but it does a fair old job and wrapping up the storylines for almost every other character, including minor characters from the very first film, and i suppose that give it some integrity. its also brave in that Jack isn't in it throughout. It could have been too much of a good thing. some bad acting. Some good acting. and i think it delivered what most of the fans wanted. i am giving it 3/5 stars.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Christopher Barlow said...

wow ... sorry.... that was a long post...i just like pirates! lol

At 10:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my post I actually said Naomie Harris was great but I took it out as she's a friend and it looked too cute!

But now you've said it!


At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS - you also have to take my comment about $400 million at face value!


At 11:19 AM, Blogger David Ashwood said...

I quite liked the first Pirates film, but the second one was awful. I've steered well clear of the new one.

Was made to go see Shrek the Third this weekend - an insultingly bad film.

I find myself wanting to go to the cinema less and less these days.

I auditioned for a film a few weeks ago, and I thought the script was terrible. Now I read the hype for the film in the press and I'm told which stars are going to be in it - but I remember reading the script and thinking 'Well surely this won't be a big deal because the script is so poor'.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Thor Holt said...

Guys go and see "TELL NO ONE" as soon as you can.. it is French and the Acting plus storytelling are amazing.. not a 'big name blockbusting dodgy accented overpaid person' in site... though I am sure you deserve your $399 Million per year Neal!!

At 9:52 PM, Blogger Christopher Barlow said...

i nearly went to see 'Tell No One' but went for a meal instead... i do like food... it's like i need it to survive or something!

I shall certainly check it out.

If you are in the mood for something a little... well steamy... You should rent out Shortbus... its pretty amazing. very sexualy explicit and yet not porny. it explors how different people cope with the pressures of life through thier sexual habits. Made by Hedwig and the Angry Inch creator John Cameron Mitchell.... Just don't watch it with your parents.

I have just seen shrek the third. and i am disapointed. It is beautifuly animated with some really funny moments. but overall it semed short and week. so much missed opportunity and some bad script moment. such a shame. I had hoped for more.

Wow Naomi Harris was fantastic in pirates. i really loved her work. i just wish they had more of her story in the third.

At 11:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for article!


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